Tales Of Supermarket Woe

Ah the supermarket. Invented by Hitler, perfected by Gadaffi.

A truely awful place, it is full of screaming children and angry women. Another problem is you may run into someone you know. Like Sally for example, yep the same Sally from the street. She seems even more keen to stop and talk to me then ever before in this horrible place. Seriously Sally I don't care how Steven is I truely don't! Especialy not while I am in this hellhole.

Another horrible invention made by those terrible people at your local supermarket. Is the self checkout, this lowers the human contact even further from the usually grunts from the cashier. The self checkout has only caused me distress and more distress.
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I go to the self checkout with eleven items.
The lady minding the self check out: Im sorry sir you have too many items.
Me: Well come on one of those is only a packet of chewing gum.
Lady: Don't get snappy with me.
Me: I wasn't I am just trying to but some overpriced goods!
Lady: You are wasting everyones time.
Me: Well you are the one who started it by stopping me halfway through in the first place...

...and then the mace comes out. Oh by the way those 11 items cost 35.64, and I didn't even buy any fancy shampoo. But I did however use my value card which means I got about .03 cent back! At this rate I will be able to get a full shop for free in 6000 years!

Trying to find that food was a fun sadistic treasure hunt. The staff seem to swap the foods places every other day and when I do ask where something is the squeaky voiced acne faced teen is just as clueless as me.
Me: Excuse me where are the cheerio's?
Squeaky voiced acne faced teen: I 'unno
Me: Oh wait, I see them, they are in fact right behind your fat useless ass.
Squeaky blah: Oh yeah.
Another gripe I have with the staff, the cashier who 'beeps' my food has to take it easy. I mean they are eggs please don't bash them. My spaggetti looks like 'sprinkles' after you have gone through with them.

My biggest gripe of all is little children. Doe's little Gregory (3 years old, 20 pounds) HAVE to push the 600 pound trolley? Does he have to keep hitting the back of my leg? Do you have to follow my same exact shopping route as me? I don't lose my cool very often (only a few times a shopping trip), but little Gregory provoked me. What I dont get is that I push a shelf full of guns and dildos onto a small screaming child and IM the asshole!? Seriously?

And then the slightly larger then average security guard with small Asian countrys for fists, Big Phil (who incedently does water aerobics with my mum on a tuesday), feels the need to throw me out and rough me up? Whatever Phil I will see you again next week.

Anyway, thanks goodbye!